Let's have another drink, shall we?

This is the type of writing you will not see from me. It’s personal. Deeply personal. Uneditied. Raw. I didn’t want to write this and I didn’t wanted to make this public, but this is a moment of clarity and it hurts bad.

The last serveral weeks were hell. Two weeks ago, I’ve moved alone and calling the transition hard is a huge understatement—even without the idiotic rules I’m setting for myself.

I am tired. I am dirt. I feel empty, void. My insides have been replaced by worms, vermins that crawl and devour the very fabric of self. I drink every day to numb these feelings. I do not know words in any language that can describe my situation. I am certailnly not well. Oh my, what have I done to myself!?

I would like to thank all the ones that had a good word to say to me this whole time. Unfortunately, as I am a private person, an actor, a fake, they never got the full extend of my problem. This is for you: Aida, Andrei, Brîndușa, Cati, Elena, Ilinca, Mari, Mihaela, Vasile. Thank you so, so much! I will make it up to each and every one of you.

This is not a request for further help. You have done that more than enough. This is an apology. For what? I don’t know. I can’t judge my actions right anymore. I surely failed you. I surely made a fool of myself. I surely broken your expectations. I surely not thanked you enough.

This is the first time in my life I have nothing to look forward to.